Moment In Time Week 7

Today our teacher asked us to write a ‘Moment In Time’ piece using a picture of a boy in the water.  We planned as a class to make sure we had the 5 W’s and the 6 Senses.  

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Before we began our writing in small groups we discussed the importance of using descriptive writing, using similes and metaphors where appropriate, using dialogue and have done our best to make sure our punctuation is correct.  Some of us have even used ‘Show Don’t Tell’ in our writing to provide our reader with more of an experience.

Our teacher gave us 10 minutes for each paragraph and then 10 minutes for editing at the end.  We had so much fun working together!

If you have a moment, we would love you to comment on our writing.  

Boy Overboard!

In the Morning Jack was fishing with his father he went to see the beautiful view. He leaned over the side just in the wrong time as the wave hit the boat. He fell into the icy cold water, Jack was screaming for help “HELP” he saw some sharks teeth chattering under the water. He yelled at his dad for help but the dad was listening to some music. So Jack quickly swam to the boat, but the dad went to put the engine on and went of, so Jack screamed as load as a lion "HELP"

I can hear the sharks grinding their teeth together and the finn bobbing up and down.  Jack’s heart was pounding as fast as a bolt that is shrinking earth..  Jack  screamed for help “HELP” yelled Jack and then he saw  Sharks coming towards him.  Hi was terrified from the skanks that are gazing in front of them.

Jack along with other shark’s smelled the petrol which bring the sharks to the boat and gave Jack time to escape from the area of sharks.  He quickly swam away from the sharks and swam to the other side of the boat but will he be fast enough to save his life?...  

Written by Matatia, Va’aitino and Izzy

Izzy:

I think I shared helpful ideas for my group and helped a lot to share my knowledge to give people

Matatia:

I think we did good because we shared ideas to each others. I did good because I had to type well my friends gives me some amzaing ideas and also punctuation I love my moment in time.

Va’aitino

I think i shared good and helpful ideas to cooperate to my ideas and to my buddys ideas.